The scribbles of red and blue neon light never quite manage to lasso
each other on the aubergine of the evening harbour’s water. So sea
registers nausea. Poignant as the bobbing cork that’s never going to
make it up to its bottle. Nor the bottle to its message. Moments like
these, they make you want to commit a little weather. But it’s not as
easy as the statement ‘I froze my buns off’ might suggest. Think pins
& needles. Any sensation that’s different from the thing it’s of. Any
sensation. Seeing stars in the city’s harbour. All at sea. Am I trying to
say that it’s attachments I can’t fathom? You ask people not to send
them, but you want so much to have one once and for all. Really have
one. Next thing you know you find yourself craving facial graffiti. A
shot of her face, say, in front of a Henry Moore sculpture in a field.
The shot arranged so the face is cast perfectly in the bronze stomach’s
absence. Where this experience exposed itself as time you didn’t have,
there in the album it will set. Or maybe you’re just continually
standing for her? Mostly in queues. Whether for buses or meat.
Standing for her in line for her ticket, say, and you’re no longer sure
where the chain of analogies is heading—or if it even is an analogy or
a chain. For example, consider the following directions, are they a
recipe for analogy or domestic disaster?: take an egg and make two
holes in its shell the size of pupils in the dark; suck all yolk and white
out; insert a length of string; inject molten beeswax; wait to cool; your
candle now awaits you. What were you thinking of in doing that? ‘I’m
not sure, I’ll have to think about it for a bit’. Maybe you’ll light the
wick. You can already see it cast your hand into a rabbit’s shadow on
the snowy white wall. Now watch the rabbit clench itself into a hole
down which it vanishes. A hole like the snow’s own pupil. Your own
vision, bolted. So things break their get-away to you. Form their own
attachments in the time you thought you’d taken. Make room for
themselves as a no-man’s land in the blink of an eye. As if desire were
arranged between your desk and your fire. For things to abscond with
your sense of them is no less a matter of taking place. Nor are these
premises any less your own deduction. It is the going things keep. In
waves and waves and waves.
On
Vacation
A photo of a horse’s wet sweaty head against a white background—
it sure brings things back.
I too have the sweaty head, you just can't imagine. But if I said I
wasn’t attached to it, I’d be lying.
Perhaps I was lucky to inherit the trait of sweaty head from mother?
I recall her once resting her own sweaty head on my shoulder
while a debt collector pored over all her jewels.
Without getting a sweaty head some kids often hit my sweaty son—
as if punches might make their own insides redundant.
Usually we’re both only half awake when I can smell his little
sweaty head.
They haven’t seen the sweaty head beneath the skin.
The other day I had to pop my sweaty head in the office—hopefully
they won’t ask me to show it for a while.
Having the strong sweaty head smell can create an atmosphere
in a room like a vast helmet.
I think I will make that yoga beanie hat for my bald friend whose
sweaty head slips in Setu Bandhasana.
My sweaty head; our sweaty head; his sweaty heads, which?
Sweaty head, relax; it’s a purchase on things.
Take a deep breath. The sweaty head is just the price
of admission.
Don’t scan the side of the sweaty head that’s been resting on the
pillow. Read the instructions first on how to scan.
Such words ring through my sweaty head when I can’t face your
music and so turn my mind to shopping.
Then again, there was the quandary over buying a silk shirt that grew
for you into a sweaty head.
O, would that you were the only sweaty head and I the only wig
available to go to town on you.
Back in my kitchen by midnight I saw a sweaty head in every
packaged thing—it was then I started trembling.
My dearest sweaty head, with all we have in common how come
you never leak the same?
Remote
Control
It’s so long since we’ve met, I’m trying to gather myself,
but then this news unfolds on the terminal’s television:
A bio-tech company has implanted two dwarf African goats
with spider DNA so they can lactate trademarked
Fibres of ‘Bio-Steel’; fibres ‘we’ll use to make ultra-
light bullet-proof vests and maybe ropes for stopping
Jets when they land on air-craft carriers out at sea’. Isn’t
nature amazing, I think, before catching hold of myself:
The effects of a bad cause are surely cause for concern.
Then I see the fingers of one of my hands are drumming
Away at my leg as if it were air. I know I can’t count
on myself in these situations. Losing the plot again?
Bruises are fists bleeding into sunsets of skin, mauve.
A horse running through a wooden stable is a violin’s
Bow rubbing its strings better. The weight you bear in this is
partly your breath weighing in the balance. Earmarked
As the neighbour’s tick-tock tick-tock that tucks you in
to hours through the walls. Just listen to the coughing
Fit in the room. The shanty-built extension in the lung
is the fruit of one fibre of asbestos. My health
Is all the replies my letters draw as blood for themselves.
And this feeling in the air; it’s the words we’re putting
Into things. Isn’t any coffee cup upset to be a hand’s spasm?
Yes, each effect sheds its cause as light, time and again,
And so we happen on it by chance as something new.
Phew. But how often does that prickling of the skin
At something like news of spider-goats end up feeling
Like old guilt? You can even find yourself remarked
On by reports about the tax fraud of The World’s Strongest Man.
So it’s just as well we’re meeting up. As a shoo-in
For The World’s Strangest Man I can see you now suddenly
giving me just the right slap to make any guilt I felt
Fall off the shelf inside me. ‘Blame and a rabbit
are not of the same order’, you’ll tell me, tucking
Into your rabbit over lunch. Then I’ll remind you of how
you once found the hugest slug coiled up in one
Of your ‘lucky’ pairs of trousers, and how it instantly made
your hands feel as unhinged as the sound of your laughter
In the room. Here we’ll gladly leave a clock to count on some
Silence. We’ll be back, better, right where we started.