MADAME COVARY
My concubine1
and her letters2
The housebreaker3
and his horse4-drawn wagon
The fortune-teller5
and his bitters6
My irony7 and
its Ford Thunderbird8
The museum9
and its birds10 and fetters11
The museum9
and its ropes12 and brides13
My tragedy14 and
its tumbledown15 shelters
The bearded lady16
and her caravan17
The alchemist18
and his raging waters19
My mistress20
and her abandoned ship21
Notes
1. Of the Chinese it has been said that when they love
they love like no others. I have no idea if this is true.
2. I could not understand a word she wrote. Even the notes she put on the fridge door read like obscure
poetry.
3. The day I arrived home and found it gone.
4. As we know, horses represent common sense.
5. Fortune-tellers, as we know, represent the opposite of horses.
6. Possibly a misprint of “bitterns” in the original manuscript.
7. Invented and only properly understood by the English.
8. It was a toy, a boy’s toy. White, with blue trim. Snow, edged by blue sky. But faster. I tried
to tell her about my childhood but she couldn’t understand.
9. The museum, situated on the aptly-named Museum Street, housed
10. Numerous birds
11. Ancient instruments of torture and restraint
12. Stuff for pulling stuff to where stuff didn’t ordinarily go
13. And the brides came along two by two, only to be stifled.
14. Of the Chinese it has been said that when they love they love etc.
15. I was always on very shaky ground, and when anyone tremendous came along the walls began to cave
in and the chandeliers shook as if to fall from their mountings.
16. Just someone I knew. We were never close.
17. The word “caravan”, of course, has three meanings. I have now invented a fourth and
private one.
18. To change ordinary metals into gold, that was the alchemists’ dream.
19. My dream was of raging waters. While walking out one day to savour the fresh air of wherever it
was, a rain came on. As usual, we did not have umbrellas with us. The rain that began as an apparently inconsequential shower
soon turned into a steady downpour, and with no natural or man-made shelter nearby we were soon soaked. That was only the
beginning of our problems. The steady downpour grew heavier. What had been a picturesque and enchanting and slow-running brook
became a fast-flowing something between a stream and a river that then burst its banks, which was of particular alarm to people
like us who were in our summer clothes and wearing slip-on shoes. We looked around in some panic for a route to higher ground,
only to find that the higher ground had acquired its own water supply, and a torrent was roaring over the top of a nearby
ridge and heading in our direction. Not having umbrellas was no longer a concern. As panic began to set in, I woke up. That’s
the thing about dreams. They end.
20. Of the Chinese etc.
21. I can’t remember what it was called but she abandoned it, as she did most things.
HOW
TO REAR KITTENS SO THEY DON’T BECOME DOGS
Plant all seedlings a long
way from other seedlings. Connect all insecure leads and flush excess liquid from the system. Withdraw transit screws. Water
sparingly for the first few days until new growth is detected. Play to our God at twilight. Remove unwanted male from the
doormat. Carefully taper ends of left and right flaps and fold toward the central core to form a supporting arc. Place small
warning fires at each entrance.
Float
tension rings in oil. Enrage coiled extensions with block openers and elevate all wing supports to their fool stretch. Concern
opposites and oppose pressure risings. Talk in the shadow of the Lord. Do not disturb exits and entrances. Balance enhancers
and trip gauges. Check for soil intrusions and remove any surface parasites by hand. Fabrics should be dry at all times.
Retract concessions and
stroke between ears. Ensure all ridge mounts are sufficiently lubricated. Praise bees! Be careful when handling fragility
censors. Assess spirit levels. Shallow troughs will appear at this time; egress should be restricted to daylight hours. Festoon
valves. Repeal as necessary.
Inspire imitative behaviours
and entreat compassions. Unscrew all screws too tightly screwed. Flex impulses. Compress inlet apertures until barely visible
to the naked eye. Align all outlet valves and fluent lines. Inflate coroner suspension units, ensuring equal pressures and
balance. Reduce volume if applicable (some motels only) for the Lord is a forgiving lord.
Separate flush nuts and
impress temperature grids. Remove all large or discoloured leaves. Mark growth points with inedible pencil or waterproof masker.
Buff all surfaces with buffer pad supplied. Encompass all living beings within realm of spiritual endeavour. Place shadow
lines on window still at dusk. Be ready to sit on His right hand. Increase number of warning fires as the year progresses
until growing area is encircled by internal flame.
THINGS I WANT TO LEARN
给 淑勤
The trick
of knowing where to begin
And where
to end. The trick of how to be
More than
an idiot friend. The trick of how to
Be less selfish.
The trick of how to be wiser
Than this.
The trick of swimming. The trick
Of how to
kiss in different languages.
The tricks
of knowing what rain thinks
When it’s
falling and why time flies.
The trick
of knowing how the heart feels
When all
the eye can do is cry. The tricks of
Memory and
care. The trick of dishonesty.
The impossible
trick of understanding.
The trick
of being able to explain away
So many so-called
sins. The trick of knowing
When to be
yourself and when to be someone
Else. The
trick of how to stay cute for ever.
The happiness
trick. The trick of better timing.
Magic tricks.
And the secret tricks I can’t see
Because I’m
blind. And why love so often dies
(And if it
doesn’t die, why it becomes very sick).
The trick
of how to wake up in the morning
And instead
of feeling old and tired
To have a
tuna salad there and awake.
Another thing
I want to learn is how to be believed
When I say
what I think is important. Maybe
Is not a
bad word but it will never be the same word
Again. I
already know how to begin in hopelessness
And how to
end in exactly the same place.
July 2007
Copyright © Martin Stannard, 2007
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